Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
