Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
