Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
