put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
