He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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