you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
