I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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