Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
jump out the window naked night went bad
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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