I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
