I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I don't deserve a penis
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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