She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
