omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
