I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Randomize
