my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
