Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
