So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I am one with the molecules
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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