omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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