Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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