its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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