White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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