Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
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Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
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I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
how drunk are you?
Several
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize