He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
