I wannas sexs uuuuu
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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