Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
