I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
