I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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