Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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