May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
farters have to be the big spoon...
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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