I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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