i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
