Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
