Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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