Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Quick, to the slutcave!
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
