I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
