i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
