can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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