my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
