mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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