thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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