Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You made out with two different species that night
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
