Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
