so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
