brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
