I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
