So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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