I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
