dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
