he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
you inspire me to be a worse person
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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