Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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