Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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