We named our party play list daddy issues
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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