You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
