you guys were way drunker than both of me
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
