Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
