Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
