i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
