So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
