literally had 100 drinks last night.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
