Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Blood and glitter go together right?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Found the puke drawer
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
