A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
