I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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