If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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