i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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