I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
