So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
