i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
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Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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