she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
