I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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