after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
