Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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