I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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