my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
