Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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