My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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