Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
