So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
