last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Randomize
