oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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