i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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