Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
How's work?
Spinning.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
You're like the curious george of whores
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Randomize
