I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
