I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
