I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I can tuck mytits in my pants
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
