I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
